Most Recent Music Purchases

First Date - blink-182
All the Small Things - blink-182
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Threshold (Sky Blue Band Version) - Anna Waronker [from Castle]
Threshold (Acoustic Version) - Anna Waronker [from Castle]
Here Kitty Kitty - Anna Waronker [from Castle]
Underground - Anna Waronker [from Castle]
Love Song for a Savior - Jars of Clay [been stuck in my head for like two years]
Let You Down - Three Days Grace
Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin [happy-making song]
Gun in Hand - Stutterfly
A Scar Filled Sky - Cry of the Afflicted [BEAUTIFUL lyrics!]
Sneak a Peek - Program the Dead [used to go to my school, apparently]
Big Time Rush - Big Time Rush [loooove the preview of this show!!! lolz]
How Can You Stand There - Josh Golden [lost a fight over this with my sister... long story]
Always - Saliva [another lost fight, but good song nonetheless]
Disconnected (Out of Touch) - Trapt
Stand Up - Trapt
Waiting - Trapt

Some Poetry - Feedback Appreciated! (Hint Hint)

Dear Diary

Dear Diary
It felt like flying
The substance I never thought I’d be trying

Dear Diary
As my friends set sail
Scared to say how many classes I failed
It’s shameful to repeat twelfth grade
Though they say I’ll make it anyway

Dear Diary
Today we broke up
Feel like the scum at the bottom of the cup
Somehow I thought this time was for real
All was a sham, what he made me feel

Dear Diary
I hate my life
Wonder why I’m still alive

Dear Diary
My sister died
By her own hand, sweet suicide
Never knew she felt such pain
To think that death would be gain

Dear Diary
He’s not my friend
The stuff he says – when will it end

Dear Diary
I’m three weeks late
Wish I would’ve chosen to wait
I know my move was really stupid
The love-bug bit, shot by Cupid

Dear Diary
The whole school’s heard
No one cares it’s a false word
Maybe I’m mad ‘cause it’s my rumor
Somehow I don’t see the humor

Dear Diary
Daddy left again
Walked out the door at half-past ten
Abandoned us, says he won’t come back
That dinner together would be our last

Dear Diary
My secret’s my hell
I trust no one, so it’s you I tell


Dear Misery

Dear Misery
You make me sick
Poison the mind
With subtle tricks

Dear Misery
I’m not your man
You can’t have me
On demand

Dear Misery
I’m no slave
You won’t send me
To an early grave

Dear Misery
It’s not my end
Now I’m sure
You’re not my friend

Dear Misery
It’s my life
We’re over now
I’ve seen the light

Dear Misery
Done playing your game
Controlled me once
Never again

Dear Misery
It’s your loss
Your once-time soldier
Has seen the cross

Dear Misery
I’m feeling fine
Ever since
I left you behind

Dear Misery
Miss me yet
Our breakup’s one
I won’t regret

Dear Misery
No need to cry
I’m starting over
This is goodbye


Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror
Who am I?
Why the circles
Beneath my eyes?
My reflection
Tells me true,
Girl in the mirror,
Who are you?
Forehead marred
By a purple bruise,
A bright white smile,
Simple ruse.
Blood congeals
Round an eyebrow cut,
Payment inflicted
On his so-called slut.
Makeup conceals
Your imperfections;
You cling to him
Despite his rejections.

Mirror, mirror,
On the wall,
Who’s the loneliest
Of all?
Mirror, mirror
Fall and shatter,
Broken glass,
I do not matter.


Hello, Love

Hello, love!
It’s me again.
Do you recall
The life we led?
You asked me once,
“Who are you now?”
I’m here to answer
That.
I’ve changed, you see;
I’m different now:
Though deep within,
I’m much the same
As then.
If you wish to know
Who I am, ask
Me where I’ve been without
You, love.
For those adventures –
Those for which
You were absent –
Changed me perceptibly.
Sweet love, those times
We parted ways
Are times you’ll never know.
While at the core
My self remains,
I’m not to person
You once knew.
Leaving carries
Consequences.
You realize, don’t you,
I lived a life
That did not include you.
Thus, there’s a piece
Of me that split
Off from the whole
That revolved
Around you.
Nevertheless,
I miss you, love.
You were a part
Of who I was,
And still integral
To my identity.

Almost There!

Nearly done my outline for my English research paper! Yes! Of course, I should have started the research three or four days ago... but I'm getting there. I'm learning. I still procrastinate like a fiend, but I'm starting to block out extra time for assignments, instead of telling myself I'll finish them at lunch and then discovering there are more questions than I realized or I forgot the textbook or something. It's a struggle for people like me, with ADHD, but it's a learning process, right?

I've been reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, which is part of the reason why I didn't start the research on RTI (response to intervention) until chem class yesterday. It's like when I read Twilight, or Fruba: I sit down and read all afternoon, and I don't do ANYTHING else. Nada. Like, Tuesday, I didn't even take ten minutes to do my math homework - I plopped down on the couch with the book until my mom got home, then went for a walk with her (admired the shape of the moon and the way the border is so clear against the sky... yeah), got home and read again till it was time for Abby's fencing lessons, and read during the fencing lesson. A couple of the guys at the studio tried to talk to me about the book, but all they got in response were a few "Mmhmm? Yeah"s and a very delayed "Yeah, so I've heard" on occasion. I'm a TEENY bit obsessed.

Speaking of obsessed - I FINALLY GOT INDOCTRINATED INTO THE FORCE!!! My manga dealer had a sleepover with the Book Black Market, and we watched Episodes IV, V, VI, and I of Star Wars. I loooove it! I feel like I am much more complete in my geekdom now.

Praying for Cait!

I have a friend named Cait who is serving in the mission field. She took a unique path - after high school, most kids go to college, or maybe get a job and start working. Not Cait. She heard God speaking to her, telling her to share the Gospel with the world... and without asking where, how, or why, she went! She has been working in Mexico, but is now on her way to South Africa. I cannot even begin to express how excited I am to see what amazing, wonderful, magnificent, unbelievable works God will carry out through Cait and her team!

If you want to find out more about what Cait is doing, or just need to draw closer to God, here's Cait's mission blog: http://caitlynevangelista.myadventures.org/. Cait's experiences and epiphanies never cease to amaze me! What a wonderful, mighty, BIG God we serve!

I would be honored if you would join me in praying for Cait and her team as they offer their time, money, and lives in a commitment to spread the truth about God's perfect love. Missions, I've learned from Cait, aren't really about changing other people's lives (although that is a huge part of it) - it's about changing your own life, and refocusing your perspective.

So, Thanksgiving.

In my family, any and all holidays are an excuse for madness, it seems. Last night, at least my aunt and grandmother, and possibly a few others, were thoroughly drunk. Now, with my grandmother, I'm used to it - who could possibly forget the Boston wedding? - but my aunt? That was something, I'll tell ya. Lolz.

Happy Thanksgiving, Peeps!

So, what're you thankful for this year? I know it's stereotypical, but it's a really great way to refocus your life and praise God for the blessings he's provided! I've been working on a list at the suggestion of my mother, a strategy to combat depression and other unpleasantness. Here's a sampling:

-Mashed potatoes, especially the 20-lb bowl on Thanksgiving
-Family
-Abby's amazing flute talent
-These weirdos I call friends
-Inside jokes and long stories
-My cats
-Medicine like Focalin and Prozac
-Clean water to drink
-My African "sisters" (Shuwena, Flora, and Royness)
-Being able to enter into the presence of the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE whenever I need to
-The cross
-Colors
-Fall leaves
-"Love never fails"
-Epiphanies
-My gift for writing
-My relationship with my sister, that it isn't as strained as it has been in years past
-My AWESOME NIV/The Message parallel Bible
-My church and youth group, and especially my AMAZING youth pastor, Scott
-Facebook... as lame as that sounds
-Books, books, and more books
-Music
-Music with uplifting lyrics
-My new pink-and-black hat
-New mattress and pillow
-Gel pens
-The gift of flashdrives
-Blog comments
-AP classes
-Words and my passion for them'
-Looking through photo albums
-That Zach found my camera
-abort73.com

Again, that's just a few. Anybody have anything to add? Funny stories from spending time with family? My family always has weird incidents on holidays, like last Easter when two of my cousins attempted to throttle each other... but enough about me. Comment away! (Please!)

My Cousin is the Bestest Person Alive!

My cousin Zach called yesterday, which in and of itself is a cause for celebration, cuz I don't get to talk to him all that much.

"Guess what, Rachel?" he asked.
"What?"
"Guess!"
"I don't know what to guess!"
"Well, I lost my phone behind the couch cushions today, and then when I was looking for it--"
"NO WAY! YOU FOUND MY CAMERA?!?!?!?!"

Yes way. Zach found my long-lost (since summer, anyway) camera!!! I thought I was never going to see those pics ever again! Which would suck, because there were, like, 400+ on there that I never downloaded, including a really cute video of Kierstin, all my stuff from my family vacation to West Virginia, and the bajillions from missions camp. But, total God Thing, my camera has been found! So, hopefully on Thanksgiving, my baby will be home. :)